The following story, took place on our last trip to
Utah to visit with my husband's family.
Well the drive from hell is over. if anyone knows of a way to move
Utah closer to
Kansas...please, let me know. We left the house at
7:30am. After getting breakfast and my all important coffee, we were able to leave
Topeka at
7:45am. I drove the first leg through wind, heavy rain and lightning from
Topeka to (a little past) Hays. After that, it was smooth sailing for the most part. We stopped a couple of times for potty breaks for me and Brody (the kids had the potty chair, they were good to go). Apparently, Brody decided to spend more time sniffing around than making sure he was done going to the bathroom. You guessed it. Just outside of
Burlington, CO, Brody dropped a deuce on his dog bed…in.the.van! It wasn't so much that Brody crapped, it was J's (hubby) reaction to Brody crapping. I could never adequately describe just how funny it/he was, so I’ll just say you had to be there. I will say this though; it is VERY hard to drive when you are laughing hysterically with tears running down your face. It really wasn’t a big deal until J decided to roll down his window and circulate the stench, so that ALL of us could smell it. I pulled off of the interstate and we scooped his poo out of the van. J picked up the wrong end of the dog bed and got a handful of crap on his hand. I had my back turned, but the sound of him saying "oh my GOD! I HAVE SHIT ON MY HAND!" was enough to alert me to what had happened. He then asked me where the baby wipes were. I ALWAYS pack baby wipes. However, this time I gave him a blank stare and he said "you're freaking kidding me right? Out of all of the things you could forget, you forgot the baby wipes?! What the hell is wrong with you?!” keep in mind, he's still doing this icky ew nasty dance with crap on his hands and I continued laughing at him. "Stop laughing, it's not funny!"...actually, yeah it really kind of is. We had a jug of water with us, so he was fine after a little bath on the side of the road. Brody, on the other hand was cowering in the tall grass that the prairie is famous for. Then J grabbed the leash, just as I said "DON’T" and...you guessed it...he got more crap on his hands. It was just a comedy of errors that is STILL funny this morning. We got back in the van and of course there were a ton of flies in there trying to figure out where that delectable smell was coming from. Well, they soon gave up the hunt for the fresh Brody pie and hovered over on J's side of the window. Keep in mind; I’m now driving down the road while he's being attacked by flies. He opens the window and manages to get half of them out...the other half? All flew back into his face. He said to me, "whatever you do, don't just roll down the window thinking you're gonna get them all out, they'll do this (careens his head and body around to slam into my shoulder)". One of the reasons I adore my husband is his ability to make me laugh...hard. I’m always joking that I keep him around for the laughs and honestly, that's not too far from the truth.
The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful. we had the usual, telling the kids to stop fighting/touching each other/looking at each other/breathing the same air/stop putting your feet on the dog/what the hell is that on your face-floor-seat. J took over the wheel at
Ft. Collins and we stopped in
Laramie to get gas and didn't stop again until
Little America.
Z's pants were wet from having spilled water in her seat. So I took her around to the back of the van to get her a clean pair of shorts and underwear. She proceeded to drop trou in the parking lot *face palm*. I got her pants back up and we went into the bathroom, K in tow. K went into her own stall and Z and I shared one. I told K to stand outside of my stall when she was done (I’m paranoid when it comes to public places, my kids and kidnapping). Z apparently didn't hear me tell K this. When K jiggled the handle Z said "mommy, someone's trying to break in! GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR MISTER!” cue hysterical giggling from the other side of the door. After we returned to the van, it was smooth sailing, for the most part. We arrived to our destination around 11:15pm CDT/
10:15pm MDT.
So there you have it. a trip, that I’m sure will probably only be remembered as "the time that Brody crapped in the van", but at least it'll be memorable
