Z to my Mom: Mommy's going to teach me how to play the piano (I am?) so I can play Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I don't know how to play anything yet. Nana...I'm going to play you an original composition now.

Z: Mommy what's Lovey's (mouse) middle name? Me: Well, honey, only humans name their babies, so she doesn't have one. Z: Ok...how about we name her Coconut Fruity Pie Lovey Ourlastname? That sounds beautiful to me!

I really need to stop slapping her in the head with beavers

Z: if K says it's ok can I sleep in her room?
Me: um she has school tomorrow,so...no
Z:why don't you just slap me in the head with a beaver then...what the? Where does she come up with these things?!

DIY Home Breast Augmentation

After seeing the report about breast implants and anaplastic large cell lymphoma, I told J I didn't think I would be getting breast implants. All is not lost for him,though, and I have promised to make them as anatomically correct as my black sharpie will allow. I have decided to fill small balloons with water and duct tape them to my chest, for a DIY home breast enhancement procedure. I feel this will be a safer way to improve my self esteem and increase my bust-line. Now to choose a color...

Adventures of Green Lantern

Christmas morning, Z received a box of, about 8 or 9 super hero costumes, from Santa. I'm telling you this, because last night, as we were waiting to ring in the new year, I was talking to my Dad, who was sitting next to me. Z came, out of nowhere, dressed in her Green Lantern costume - acting like she was going to hit and kick her Papa.


Me: Z, remember what I said about super heroes? They only fight the bad guys.
Z: Papa's a bad guy
Me: Um, nooooooooo Papa is NOT a bad guy
Z: *eyes wide* Oh, yes Mommy...he IS. I looked on the computer and it said,while tracing her finger mid-air, as if she were reading lines from a book, "Papa is half JOKER!"


At this point, my dad picked her up and laid her on the floor and started wrestling with her. You could hear her telling him, she was going to beat him up and give him to the Police. A few seconds later.... "Mommy! Help Me! Mommy! Help!".

I wasn't aware that superheroes call for their mother's while they're engaged in a battle with an evil nemesis. I learn something new every day.

Happy New Year!

oops!

Note to self: When entering your husband's office...make sure he's NOT in a phone meeting before you say things like "phew it stinks in here...did you fart?!".

What will YOU be when you grow up?

I was snuggling with Z....

Me: mmmm I LOVE you Z. Why do you have to grow up? Why can't you stay small forever?
Z: I HAVE to grow up, so I can catch the bad guys and put them in jail.
Me: Oh? Are you going to be a police officer when you grow up?
Z: *looks at me like I'm stupid* Uh...NO...I'm going to be Batgirl. I'll stop the bad guys and when the police show up, I'll jump up on the roof so they can take the bad guys to jail.